ONCE UPON A TIME IN MUMBAI-2 :: Funny Story of Akshay Kumar

Wahan mera ek PATIALA HOUSE tha. Ek din MAIN ITNA TANHA TANHA LONELY LONELY baitha tha, achanak bell baji to dekha mere BROTHERS aur kuch friends the.. Maine sabka WELCOME kiya. Mera birthday tha so  umne PARTY ALL NIGHT ki. Ghar pura HOUSEFULL tha DESI BOYZ se. . Agle din sab chale gaye. Subah subah kisi ne darwaje ki kundi knock ki.. Maine kaha kon.? To wo bola, mai raja hu, doodhwala, english me bole to milkman.. Fir maine kha- thk hai, KUNDI MAT KHADKAO RAJA SEEDHA ANDAR AAO RAJA.. Fir milk lene ke baad, maine socha aaaj HOLIDAY hai to aaj LONG DRIVE par chalta hu, ENTERTAINMENT ke liye.. Fir maine apni car nikali aur nikal gaya TEES MAAR KHAN bankar.. Raaste me ek JOKAR dikhai diya, shayad use lift chahiye thi. Maine break maara aur wo mere paas aya aur bola mujhe lift chahiye. Maine kha theek hai. Wo bola mujhe air chahiye, A.C hai na tumhari car me.? To maine kha- acha to aisa bolo na ki tumhe AIRLIFT chahiye.. Mere car ke upar baith jaao bahut air milega. Aur wo baith bhi gaya upar jakar. Maine car start ki aur dheere dheere chalane laga.. Wo AJNABI tha so mujhe yaad aaya, maine puncha nhi use ki kaha jaana hai.. Maine break maara wo dhadaam sd neeche gira. Aur bola, maar daala.. Maine kaha- tumko kaha se kaha tak jaana hai? To wo bola mujhe, CHANDNI CHOWK TO CHINA jaana hai. Fir maine kaha, mai chineesh dikhta hu tumhe jo china jaunga, nikal yahan se. Wo gaana
gaate huye jaane laga, HAR KISI KO NAHI MILTA YAHAN lift mumbai me. Fir mai car me baitha aur seedhe chal diya..

Thodi door chalne ke baad maine dekha, saamne BHAGAM BHAG machi thi. Sab TAANG UTHAKE bhaag rahe
the. Maine car roki aur punchne laga ki yahan kya ho raha hai koi batayega.. Fir ek ladki ayi aur boli. Plz.. Mujhe lift de dijiye yahan gabbar aya hai. Maine kaha- gabbar to mar gya tha na, wo boli- are nhi.. GABBAR IS BACK. Maine kha aao fir baitho.. Aur hum aage badhe.. Usne kaha, THANK YOU.. Maine kaha, WELCOME.. By the way.. Mera naam KHILADI hai aur tumhara? To usne kha., BABY. Aur main dekh rha tha, uske GORE GORE MUKHDE PE KAALA KAALA CHASMA. Meri DHADKAN tej ho rahi thi, maine kaha, aapko AITRAAZ na ho to ek baat bolu, usne kaha, haan bolo.. Maine kaha- DOSTI ho sakti hai? Usne kaha, haan bilkul. Fir maine bol diya DO YOU KNOW, Mujhe love at first site hua, wo boli, kiske saath, to maine kaha-  O TERE SANG YAARA… Ek baat btao TU SOCH
NA SAKE, Actually ye DIL CHEEZ TUJHE DE DI. Pta hai kab? RIGHT NOW NOW NOW NOW NOW NOW NOW.. Wo boli- I DON’T KNOW WHAT TO DO, I DON’T KNOW WHAT TO DO TAUBA AB MAIN KYA KARU.. Tabhi baarish hone lagti hai aur main bolta hu- TERI MERI KAHAANI, HAI BAARISO KA PAANI. Wo bolti hai.
Par suno mujhe love at first site nhi hua. Maine kaha, Chaliye, restaurent wahan shayad AANKHE COFFEE PEETE PEETE mil jaaye. Usne kaha, Paisa nahi hai.. Maine kaha, are PAISA PAISA KARTI HAI KYU PAISE
PE TU MARTI HAI. Chal mere paas hai paisa.. BADE DIL WAALA HU NA, Wo bolti hai, are abhi to mile hai to itni jaldi kaise main haan kar du. Acha tumne mujhme kya dekha- maine kaha- EK UNCHA LAMBA KAD, DUJA
SUNIYE TU HADD, TEEJA ROOP TERA CHAM CHAM KARDA NI. Sach kahu to HUMKO DEEWANA KAR GAYE. Wo boli, acha tum kaam kya karte the pahle? Maine kaha, HERA PHERI.  Wo boli, acha ab kya karte ho? To maine kha, PHIR HERA PHERI. Tabhi wo boli mera ghar aa gya, wo jaane lagi. Mera dil bola, CHURA KE DIL MERA GORIYA CHALI. Wo boli- thank you, Khiladi bhai. Maine kha, bhaiya? Are HUM HAI SEEDHE SAADHE AKSHAY AKSHAY. Aur haan, ghar tak drop kiya hu, paisa, DE DANA DAN. Usne paisa diya aur ghar ki taraf gayi. Aur main seedha nikal gaya.. Aur main sochne laga, KAMBAKHT ISHQ isi se hona tha. Ye to BEWAFA nikali.. Sach me merd DIL TO PAAGAL HAI.

Fir soch liya, PYAR KI MAA KI, PYAR KI MAA KI, AAJ SE POOJA KARNI HAI. Tabhi maine note dekha to pta chala ye to nakli note hai. Turant maine car back ki, aur uska ghar TALAASH kiya. Wo baahar hi thi. Mujhe dekhkar mere paas ayi aur boli- main chahti thi, tum mere ghar aao isliye nakli note di, MERE JEEVAN SAATHI. Maine kaha –
kya matlab tum MUJHSE SHAADI KAROGI? Usne kaha- yess.. Ab hum dusri baar mil rahe hai na. Wo boli tum akshay ke fan ho na, kuch socha hai tumne, jab miloge to kya hoga. Maine kha, haan, Jab main akshay sir se
milu to dara hua na rhu, public ke saamne. MERE CHEHRE PAR MUSKAAN HO AUR MERA HAATH MERI MOOCHHO KO TAAV DE RAHA HO. Wo boli mujhe govinda acha lagta hai. Uski fan hu. Tabhi maine socha, govinda ko aisa song gaau, jisse mera kaam ho jaaye, maine gaana gaya, WHAT IS MOBILE NUMBER KARU KYA DIAL NUMBER, KARNI HAI PRIVATE BAATE, DE DE TU apna no.. Tabhi wo muskurane lagi , aur apne ghar chali gayi. Aur finally meri aankh khul gayi… 

THE END…

 Saurabh Kaithwas,

Address: 95/2 South Lokpur Naini Allahabad

Email: saurabhkaithwas2@gmail.com

ONCE UPON A TIME IN MUMBAI-2 :: Funny Story of Akshay Kumar
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